29th week happenings...

This last week has been eventful and emotional.

I had to leave work early on Wednesday due to contractions.  They started out that morning at about 8 minutes apart and got closer and more painful until they were about 3 minutes apart when I left work.  I called the nurse with Maternal Fetal Medicine, hoping that they could just get me in for an appointment or increase my contraction medications, but she told me to head in to Labor and Delivery triage again.  So, I went.  I was having contractions 2 minutes apart, all showing up on the monitor (unusual for me with my irritable uterus and my extra stomach fat...this is the first time I've had contractions strong enough to show up on the monitor when I wasn't actually in true active labor).  I was checked...told I was "fine," then I asked if I was completely closed as I had been last week, and I was told that I was actually dilated probably about 1 cm, but that's "normal" for someone who has had babies.  I told her that it wasn't normal for me if I was completely closed last week and dilated this week...that meant that my contractions were causing actual changes and weren't just "irritable uterus" contractions.  Then, later, when the consultant came in, she said to him that I was closed.  So who the heck knows.  Based on that, they sent me home, even with my contractions continuing to be at 2 minutes apart.  Well, that was Wednesday, and this is Saturday.  I'm still pregnant, so I guess that I wasn't really in labor.

I called MFM and they prescribed me a new dose/regimen for my contraction medications.  I will now be taking the shorter acting form and will be taking it 4 times a day instead of once a day.  I hope it helps.  So far, I have seen some improvement a few hours a day, but have been continuing to have strong, consistent, painful contractions and occasional bleeding.  My contractions are often 3 minutes apart for hours on end, and I'm just exhausted.  I feel like I must come across as a complete wimp to my coworkers, my boss, and everyone else, but I don't have the emotional energy to deal with that right now.

In the last week we've also met with our pastor to discuss baptism and funeral arrangements.  We've also talked to a funeral home.  It's difficult to do these sorts of things, and by no means are we giving up on Elise, but we had no idea what decisions or costs we would be faced with, and wanted to be somewhat prepared.

One thing that I haven't talked about much, is how this is affecting our other two children.  Our 1 year old doesn't understand much.  She will lift up my shirt and pat my belly and say "baby."  She also gives me hugs and wipes tears from my face when she sees that I'm upset.  Our 3 year old is taking this a bit harder.  One day when I was crying, he asked why, and I explained that I was just sad because I don't want baby Elise to die.  He told me that she wouldn't and not to cry.  He has also developed a "boy" in his tummy that he is growing (like I am growing a baby), to protect Elise.  He talks about that boy almost every day.  He says that he protects Ainsley, and this boy will protect Elise.  We try to be open and honest with our kids about what's going on, but I'm not sure there is much we can do to prepare them for what will happen.  Although, to be fair...I don't think there is much Matt and I can do to prepare ourselves for what will happen.

Elise is still moving around in my belly.  I had my glucose test to screen for gestational diabetes this morning, and she went nuts after I drank that gross sugary drink.  Luckily, I passed, so I can continue to eat yummy, sugary food when I want to feel Elise move!  Her movements seem to be getting stronger.  She still has days where she barely moves, but when she does move, she really packs a punch!  I cherish every wiggle, kick, and punch.  I love the times at night when I can lay down and feel her moving and talk to her.  Each little interaction I get with Elise gives me the strength to move forward down this road of "what if's."

"Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint" -Isaiah 40:30-31